Blinded from the world.

I wish you could see. 

See beyond this, enslaved community. 

I wish you could see.

See past the right and wrong worry. 

I wish we could see. 

See what's actually worth, not the money. 

I wish we could see. 

See what's past the selfish irony. 

I wish they could see. 

See that there's more than just a story. 

I wish they could see. 

Every single person sees the world in their own imagery. 

I wish I could see. 

See that love is not just sensitivity. 

I wish I could see. 

See the world like how it should be. 

I wish I could be. 

Be what the world wants to see. 

Me into words.

I've always found myself as quite an understanding person. 

I connect with people on a different level. 

I've always found myself as a very real person. 

I dont enjoy the fake attitudes. 

I know that not every one is the same. 

I know that the world doesn't revolve around me. 

I've always found myself as a sensitive person. 

I take words more seriously than I should. 

And although I don't always take them the way they were meant, I know this about me. 

For the most part I'd say I know who I am. 

I know what I want. 

I know what makes me happy. 

I know my goals. 

I know my personality. 

Today I was told that I don't know who I am. 

They then tried to tell me who I am. 

The funny part here is, I took them seriously. 

But I know that about me. 

I know who I am. 

Short words from long thoughts.

The paranoia of future. 

The anxiety of past. 

The peace with present. 

The infinity of love. 

He is her difference. 

She is his change. 

Without change there wouldn't be difference. 

Stripes

So I got new wall paper!

It looks pretty good I'd say! 

It hides every little crack and hole. 

Hiding every imperfection is its specialty. 

The wall behind it is stained and old. 

Its a relief to know that it is now covered up by green and brown stripes. 

Everyone that comes in my house can't judge me for that old wall anymore. 

It was an ugly blue color that was way too noticeable. 

This way the wall is still noticeable but in a good way. 

No one will really know what's behind it! 

But I'll always know that it's still there. 

I would just wreck it down, but what would a house be without a wall? 

Leave or Love?

I'm doing what you asked! 

I'm doing what you told..

I try to show you that I'm happy... but my heart is freezing cold. 

I gave you a chance! 

My whole body aches for you to take it. 

It hurts too much to even watch you dance.

I think it's ironic. 

That this is me now. 

Begging for you like mountains beg for titonics. 

The past two years were just a game. 

Why'd you play? I never did. 

The fact that you did is just a shame. 

You can't win against yourself. 

Unless me losing was the goal. 

But why play me? Why not anyone else?

I wish I could run up to you and change your feelings. 

Your thoughts. 

Your mind. 

I wish I could tell you I'm still right here. 

I wish you would fight for me like I am for you. 

Time is running out. I can't wait for nothing forever. 

And I'm good at packing my things and moving on. 

Hopefully next place is somewhere I can be happy. 

And where losers like me, can win games. 

In two you.

I'm in two. 

"I can't believe you're not broken yet"

I guess I'm better at hiding it then I thought. 

I'm in two. 

I just wish I wasn't in two you. 

It's not perfect. But neither are we.

I'm sorta just sitting here. 

Waiting for the stampede of thoughts to rush to my head. 

Waiting to over think your every word like all girls do. 

I guess you couldn't call me a "normal" girl anymore though. 

No one really ever could. 

Or did.

But right now I'm blank. 

I have no response to this piece of paper that is now uncontrollably shaking in my cold hands. 

Their usually warm. 

Not today though. 

You can't find the pulse but I know it's still there. 

It's still there. 

Are you? 

You said you are, but your harder to find than a zombies pulse. 

I feel like a zombie everyday. 

I could walk through my day with my eyes shut. 

It's always the same. 

Repeating 24/7

My same words. 

My same word. 

My same breaths of air. 

Although I am lucky. 

I get to breathe it.

That's where me and the zombie differ. 

I can breathe. 

I can breathe. 

Tumble weeds.

They say you dress like tumbleweed. 

Maybe because you don't wear anything that's fits..

You just don't fit. 

There! That's the problem!

Your the missing puzzle piece to my emotions but you still don't fit. 

You are supposed to fit! 

Can't I cut you out perfectly?

Trim every line and curve to match the pattern of hurt all along my heart. 

The pattern. 

Over and over. 

The same repeating cycle. 

You recycle my hate and love. 

Why can't you just fit. 

And find pants that fit as well. 

Love Like a Sunset.

It's still, but moves so fast.
The moment can last forever but in the next its gone.
Every one that is, is another one less.
The way you look.
The way you make people feel.
The way you light up the sky.
You create a smile. Or a grown mans cry.
Not one is the ever the same.
You are unique in your own way.

Please, I'm selfish for you.

Why do you do what you do? You look at me, then smile that cheesy smile while i wait. Why can't you give me something! Anything! You don't say anything! I lie to you a lot you know. I actually really was cold. I actually really was bored. But it's only because I'll do ANYTHING just to hear your voice. It doesn't have to be about me. Or us. I want it to be about you. I want to hear you. Why? Because, I'm greedy. I want to know your life. I want to know who you are as a person. I want to hear every detail about your day. I just want to know everything. So instead you say nothing. 

And I end up silent. 

Waiting. 

Missing Mind! Please call if seen.

I love it when it's so quiet that you can actually hear the loud roar of silence. 

And then when the silent vibration finally decides to set inside your lungs-

bam. 

Thanks dad for dropping every pot and pan that have ever been made. 

At least I can't feel the head ache anymore.

My mind is so far gone now. 

It decided to go to Europe. 

I'm kinda offended though. 

My mind didn't even mind to tell me it was leaving! 

She couldn't give me a warning like, "hey body, just so you know imma take a vaca. See you in a few" 

Nope. Woke up and it was gone. 

All that's left is me and my empty head that was so full I'm pretty sure it exploded. 

Well, hopefully they have some sort of clean up crew up there. 

I don't really want my head to be a mess when my mind decides to return. 

At least I don't have to think anymore. 

Well. 

Maybe I should, but its not like I even have time for thinking these days anyways! 

Be aware readers! 

Things could get a little cray!

Kaysha is doing things without a thought of day. 

Short words from long thoughts.

The paranoia of future. 

The anxiety of past. 

The peace with present. 

The infinity of love. 

He is her difference. 

She is his change. 

Without change there wouldn't be difference. 

Angel had it said you weren't in luck.

His cigarette slowly burns your veins.

The veins he tightroped to get away.

Ever so swiftly without a notice.

He already walked across your body

And before you know it,

All thats left is a cigarette butt.

To the people I have screwed over. To the people that used to care. To the people that were taken advantage of.

I'm sorry okay?
Can you start talking to me now?
Yes, I know that I'm a heartless, cruel, selfish, disoriented, lifeless, strait up bitch.
Okay.
I know.
I know I know I know.
The word sorry doesn't even compare to the feelings I have.
I go to bed every night thinking of how I could have made it any better for you.
I told you, but I didn't speak loud enough.
You didn't hear me.
It doesn't matter because whats done is done.
You think I don't feel the way I do?
I've become the person I have always been the most feared of becoming.
I have become something to so many people that kills me.
I look in the mirror and I don't see who I used to be.
I see a horrible monster.
Someone I am scared off.
My mirror reflects my nightmares.
But do you want to know what hurts the most?
Knowing that everybody else sees the monster too.
Especially you.
I'm sorry.
I should have told you more clearly.
I just want you to know that I would have never had done the things I did if I had known.
If only I knew you thought we were together.
Things would be different.
That is my fault.
I take all the blame.
I just want you to know that my intentions are not what you think.
I'm not the person I used to be now.
I tore you to shreds.
But I wish I could be turned to shreds.
That way I could start over.
But there is no starting over.
I've lost so many people over what I have become.
The people I care about most.
I feel so alone.
So do I feel guilty?
There isn't a word for the amount of guilt and horror I feel.
I don't mean for this post to show my devistation towards my own self.
I just don't have any self worth anymore.
I feel like I could do anything and it doesn't effect me anymore.
Whats left to loose?
I know I will never get the chance to talk to you again.
Which is a good thing, because everything I say never ends up well.
But I just can't get you out of my mind.
I replay my mistakes over and over again.
Kaysha! Are you kidding me?
Was I on drugs?
Damnit I caught myself almost doing drugs because I was so careless!
I have got to find something in me to keep going.
Even though I lost you and actually alot of people this summer, I still have some people that have stuck with me through it all.
I can't thank them enough.
Without them, I really would be nothing.
Withered away..
Anyways. My emotions are pouring out uncontrollably.
I'm just so sorry, everyone.
Sorry isn't enough, but please,

Can't someone just tell me what to do?

To you. My inspiration.

Do you remember?

The day we met. 

Forth grade. 

Your long black hair and your big black eyes. 

You stood tall with a smile on your face that you could never disguise. 

I'd never met anyone with such love. 

We realized we were both vegetarian and you lived across the street. 

We became friend from then on. 

I remember the videos we made. 

I remember our science project on mentos and root beer. 

I remember your birthday parties. 

They were always the one to look forward to because your mom made the best cakes. 

She decorated them perfectly. 

I remember your laugh. 

I remember our times. 

I remember the smiles. 

I remember our scary movie we made. 

I remember your family. 

I remember the happiness you gave me and so many others.

Not a day goes by that I don't remember you. 

I remember you. 

I remember this day 6 months ago.

I remember you. 

I will always remember you. 

I love you so much. 

I can't believe it's been this long. 

It feels like yesterday we were screaming and laughing in the streets of cedar hills. 

I can't wait until that day. 

That day where i get to see your beautiful face again. 

<3

I'm sick.

I'm sick.
I feel sick.
And I hear that clock with every tick.
and every tok.
So don't talk.
Your words memorize me, but don't.
The sound of your voice makes me sick.
I'm sick.
I feel sick.
I'm sick of knowing.
I'm sick of showing, you where to be.
What to be.
What to do.
Do what you feel.
Please.
I just feel sick.
I'm sick.
You're my cure
I'm your disease.
Don't mind me, just do what you please.
I'm sick.
And for the first time in your life,
you're not.
Leave my organs here to rot.
I feel so sick.
So sick.

Little miss sunshine.

I watched that movie a few days ago. You really have to have an open mind to understand it but I loved it. 

It made me realize that everyone has their own problems they have to go through and figure out themselves. There is something wrong with everyone. But.. there is also something right in everyone. But who's telling us what's right and wrong? Society? Media? God? Our parents? You?

Well lately I was having horrible thoughts. Like, how much my life sucked. How everything that could go wrong has. But like I said, what's a wrong life? What's a right life? What's right without wrong? 

And that's when I realized there is no right or wrong life. It's all the same. It's just life.  

xoxo

Hello

Hello fellow readers, I'm Akaysha. I'm starting up a new blog! Not sure what it's about though. I guess I'm just gonna write, and write, and write. Which is probs the best thing I could do at the moment. I'm actually quite the busy person though so keeping this up is going to be a bit of a challenge. Although, my goal is to write as much a possible. Not less than once a week though. Anywho, I guess I can tell you a little bit about me! 

I am a dancer, I dance all day everyday. Haha, I actually go to a performing art school where I do morning dance ballet and technique classes, then I go to another high school and do their performing dance company. Thats where I get to choreograph and be really creative. Without dance I know I wouldn't be the same person. It has seriously changed my life. Well I could rant about dance forever so I'm going to move on now..

Okay so I have the worlds best job! I work at a coffee house! Beans and Brews. It's a utah company but I love my job more than anything. I'm so lucky to be able to have it! Coffee and espresso is literally my life. 

Uhm, I'm vegan! Almost been a year now. Going on 11 months. It seems like its been forever but yet like it was yesterday. I grew up vegetarian though so I didn't have to learn to cut out meat, just all other animal products. It's actually not as hard as it sounds. Whats funny is that I'm not the biggest animal lover in the world, but I believe so strongly that animals do not deserve to be treated the way they are in factories. I refuse to give those companies money.

Anywho, yeah thats about all I can think of for now. You'll learn more about me as a write. Not that I'm the most interesting person but this is pretty fun. Peace.