To the people I have screwed over. To the people that used to care. To the people that were taken advantage of.

I'm sorry okay?
Can you start talking to me now?
Yes, I know that I'm a heartless, cruel, selfish, disoriented, lifeless, strait up bitch.
Okay.
I know.
I know I know I know.
The word sorry doesn't even compare to the feelings I have.
I go to bed every night thinking of how I could have made it any better for you.
I told you, but I didn't speak loud enough.
You didn't hear me.
It doesn't matter because whats done is done.
You think I don't feel the way I do?
I've become the person I have always been the most feared of becoming.
I have become something to so many people that kills me.
I look in the mirror and I don't see who I used to be.
I see a horrible monster.
Someone I am scared off.
My mirror reflects my nightmares.
But do you want to know what hurts the most?
Knowing that everybody else sees the monster too.
Especially you.
I'm sorry.
I should have told you more clearly.
I just want you to know that I would have never had done the things I did if I had known.
If only I knew you thought we were together.
Things would be different.
That is my fault.
I take all the blame.
I just want you to know that my intentions are not what you think.
I'm not the person I used to be now.
I tore you to shreds.
But I wish I could be turned to shreds.
That way I could start over.
But there is no starting over.
I've lost so many people over what I have become.
The people I care about most.
I feel so alone.
So do I feel guilty?
There isn't a word for the amount of guilt and horror I feel.
I don't mean for this post to show my devistation towards my own self.
I just don't have any self worth anymore.
I feel like I could do anything and it doesn't effect me anymore.
Whats left to loose?
I know I will never get the chance to talk to you again.
Which is a good thing, because everything I say never ends up well.
But I just can't get you out of my mind.
I replay my mistakes over and over again.
Kaysha! Are you kidding me?
Was I on drugs?
Damnit I caught myself almost doing drugs because I was so careless!
I have got to find something in me to keep going.
Even though I lost you and actually alot of people this summer, I still have some people that have stuck with me through it all.
I can't thank them enough.
Without them, I really would be nothing.
Withered away..
Anyways. My emotions are pouring out uncontrollably.
I'm just so sorry, everyone.
Sorry isn't enough, but please,

Can't someone just tell me what to do?